CYP(3) PAP 22c

Children and Young People Committee

Inquiry into Parenting action Plan

Response from Rhondda Cynnon Taff

If a process is to be successful, it requires certain skills and qualities in both the parents and helpers. Focusing here only on the skills of the helper, the parent adviser model has been heavily influenced by Rogers (e.g.

1959), who assumes that if the helper is able to demonstrate certain general qualities, parents are more likely to be engaged in an effective relationship, to work through the helping processes, to change and to be effective. We will illustrate the most important qualities, which can be understood variously as a set of attitudes, a general stance towards people seeking help, or superordinate constructions that are likely to have large effects upon the ways in which we interact and communicate with parents.

Respect

This is an overriding view of other people as significant and of value. It means being positive and non-judgemental, assuming competence and.

strength in parents, assuming that they can take responsibility, can help themselves and make significant changes to their lives. It also involves making them the absolute focus of your attention while with them.

Without this the helping process will fail. A police officer treating a young offender and his family with complete disdain achieves nothing, except to communicate what they might already be thinking of themselves. It does nothing to engage them, to initiate a relationship, or to facilitate the process of change.

Respect does not require you necessarily to like someone, but parents have to be persuaded that you are at least listening to them, and that you are worthy of their interest and have something to offer. You cannot force parents to relate to you, or to change. Dominating them simply reinforces their own inadequacies. Serving them, however, with humility, and assuming their importance, may eventually persuade most parents to engage with you.

GENUINENESS

This is, again, a complex characteristic. It denotes honesty, sincerity and absence of deception, and it implies that the person is to be trusted. Without trust, communication will founder and the helping process cannot occur. This is why confidentiality is such an important aspect of helping.

Respect, or any of the other qualities, cannot be perceived as such, unless they are genuine. Any hint of pretence will be picked up quickly and will undermine the helping process. However, it is impossible to be genuine towards others if one is deceiving oneself or otherwise distorting one's

constructions of the world. Genuineness, therefore, involves an absence of self-deception, an openness to the world with as little distortion as possible. Without this the next characteristic would be impossible.

EMPATHY

This can be defined as an attempt to see the world from another's viewpoint. The helping process must begin from the viewpoint of the person with the problem. Unless their constructions are clear, little can be done to change the situation. Their views need not accord with your own or be accurate. What matters is that you attempt to understand the person's viewpoint fully, so that you can then work on it together and, if necessary, produce change. It is particularly important for the helping relationship that the helper be seen as interested and attempting to understand, which in turn indicates respect.

HUMILITY

Humility is a strength, not a weakness. It is a general stance that indicates that one is realistic and open about one's expertise and limitations. It allows the helper to feel uncertainty and tentativeness. This counters self-importance in the role of helper and prevents defensiveness. A genuine attitude of

humility allows for the contribution of the parent, countering the illusion that the professional is all-knowing and all-powerful. It makes the helper approachable and reduces potential power barriers, thus facilitating equality and partnership.

QUIET ENTHUSIASM/WARMTH

Helpers should be warm, constructive and positive in general. The most effective helpers look for and comment upon the positive. In a ten-minute period, a project worker genuinely praised or thanked a mother and father for the care bestowed on their house; the father's handling of a problem with their son's teacher (he did not get angry); their attempt to understand their son; and their positiveness towards each other. This counteracts the vulnerability that goes with problems; it increases self-esteem; and it enhances the helping relationship by, for example, allowing the negative to be confronted more easily if necessary.

INTEGRITY

This is the final helper quality, and refers to the capacity to be strong enough to support those who are vulnerable, to tolerate the anxieties of the helping situation, and to take a reasonable, independent viewpoint. It also enables helpers to challenge parents and not just provide passive support. Although it is important to elicit and respect the constructions of the parent, helpers should try to formulate their own picture, so that comparisons may be made and change facilitated by appropriate challenges when necessary.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Demonstrating these qualities is likely to facilitate effective communication between the helper and parents. However, specific skills are needed to communicate with parents and to facilitate the process. The most important is the ability to listen effectively and actively. This is a complex activity, which can be improved by training.

USING THE PARENT ADVISER MODEL TO SUPPORT PARENTS OF TEENAGERS!

Other skills involve the ability to prompt people to explore their worries (e.g. by appropriate questioning), to indicate understanding and to clarify (e.g. by empathic statements and summarising), to challenge people to change (e.g. by invitation and hypothesis), to resolve conflict\(e.g. by negotiation) and to be creative (e.g. brainstorming and evaluating). These are described in a variety of sources (Burnard 1989; Oavis 1993; Oickson, Hargie and Morrow 1989; Egan 1990) and will not be described further here.

COMPETENCE/KNOWLEDGE

The qualities discussed above complement the knowledge and expertise of the helper, and do not replace it. One should have an understanding of child development, families, helpful techniques and available services before one can be effective, and such knowledge should grow with experience, service developments and research findings.

Particularly important are theories and skills of parenting that are made explicit via the different parenting approaches that are developing rapidly in the UK and elsewhere..

The parent adviser model (of adaptation, the process of helping and the qualities and skills) has been presented as a guide for helpers in working with parents. It is, however, also applicable to effective, direct communication with teenagers by independent helpers or parents. It relates directly to parenting in suggesting, for example, that the parent-teenager relationship might be somewhat more effective if seen as a partnership and not as an expert imparting wisdom to the ignorant. Listening to one's teenage children, showing respect, empathy, genuineness, warmth and humility, is likely to enhance the relationship, to indicate value and understanding, and

to allow effective communication. Having trained as a parent adviser, a health visitor described how she had used exactly the same skills when her own daughter became angry and upset with her one evening. She was able to listen carefully to her without feeling too threatened by her angry criticisms, eventually discovering that her real concerns were to do with problems in her relationship with her boyfriend.